Why? Why? Why????

Why is it that every year about this time I get that sinking, panicked feeling in the pit of my stomach??? We've been extra busy. Brent's grandfather died several days ago and that was really emotional for him and the boys. Brent always said his Papaw was his HERO, and I think he really felt like he has lost someone very dear to him. I relented at the last minute and let Liam stay home and go to the funeral. For one reason he had not missed any school up until this point but on the other hand, Brent said he needed to see the effect this man had not only on his grandchildren, but on other people whose lives he touched on a daily basis and loved him too. Not counting the money grubbing step-grandmother's family. Brent said that now he never has to see them again. He wouldn't even speak to them at the funeral. Things just spiraled out of control after the wicked old witch entered the picture. Another long story...

I meant to do a lot of Christmas shopping over the weekend but I went out with my sister on Sunday and did a little. Got the boys a few books (which I'm sure they'll throw across the room on Christmas morning) and made a good dent in the stocking stuffers I needed for them. Liam loves all the candy and chocolates at World Market so I went and stocked up on some English candies and chocolates that he's fond of. Other than that and a few things here and there to pick up, I guess we're pretty much finished. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. I bought a gingerbread house for us to do; well, I guess me and Ian but it will still be fun. And I want to make a pumpkin roll this weekend but I've never made one before so that should be fun. Looks like we're doing Christmas on Sunday when my sister comes to town. So I have to make sure their gifts are ready and I may as well give everyone else their gifts because I don't know if I'll see them on Christmas Day. They may be scattered all over by then. I just always get so anxious and keep adding to the boys list and buying more crap every day. I keep trying to stop but it's not to be. I thought of three other things Liam should really get to be able to go online with xbox 360 but I'll have to run that past their daddy to see what he thinks. Ian is sooooo easy. He's so content with whatever Santa brings. I guess as they get older they get picky and so you might as well relent and get what they want or you have to listen to it for the rest of your life. "Remember that Christmas that really sucked!!!" AAAAHHHH... I would die. I guess because when we were all little my Christmases were really pretty good, especially when it's a family of seven kids. I was always pretty happy and those were the happy memories I want my children to have.

It'll probably be really busy and crazy the next several days so I'll try to post as I get the time, but that may not be until after the holiday. I have to be up at the school on Thurs. & Friday. What the hell did I get myself into?? But I know the little one will be happy I'm there, just can't say the same for myself! And for all the people in mid-county who want to see some great lights, there's a house on Avenue D and 4th St. that have the dancing/singing lights when you tune your radio to 88.5. It's not as big as the light display in Lumberton last year, but there's no traffic and we went this weekend and watched the lights for about 20 minutes. It's really cute. Hope you can find it and enjoy some Christmas spirit!!

It Truly Is A Wonderful Life

Merry Christmas! Haven't had much time to post. Finally started getting some answers from the doctor about what's going on with me and why I decided to pass out and lie there unconscious for about half an hour. We were convinced it was toxic shock syndrome but there are no specific tests for it, so I have to wait to see if I start peeling where the red rash covered my body. In the meantime I found out that I'm anemic, and a rare form of anemia runs in our family because of our Mediterranean heritage. I think my daddy had it and I guess I always thought I was a carrier but in my old age, it may come to fruition. I'm half-Italian so I guess I did inherit some genes along the way, although they aren't the genes for the olive skin that tans great. I inherited my mom's pasty whiteness and her cold British attitude. mmmm. Maybe that's why I feel tired all the time? mmmm. Anywho, more tests to be done but that will have to wait until AFTER Christmas. Makes you really think about the future, your blessings and what's truly important -- a wonderful life.

I felt like crapola Friday and went to the doctor but Saturday I woke up feeling great. I don't know if it's the medicine they put me on or just getting some much needed rest. We took the boys to a Christmas tree farm so they could cut down a tree they picked out and then we had a whole Christmas day, except for the fact that I had to go to Target and buy all new lights for the tree because the ugly ass ones I picked out last year were HIDEOUS! Anyway, we also ended up at Sam's getting all new lights for the outside because by some big ole coinkydink, not one, not ONE, lit up. It was freaky and we weren't about to test strands and strands. So after another couple of hundred dollars just on decorations, we were ready. Then as it got dark we decided to walk down the street and see a house that lights up every year with thousands and thousands of lights. It's really something to see. Mainly we just like walking down there with the kids and they like to put money in his donation can for the electricity bill! I guess it's more of a tradition. My little one said "If I have to walk down here and look at these same lights one more time!" I thought it was pretty funny ... I guess he takes after me and has no sentimentality whatsoever!!!

I bought two strangers from the GameStop lunch today for doing something very nice for me so my 7 year old could have a really great Christmas. I almost started crying when I got my hands on the coveted gaming system, so I told them I wanted to buy them lunch. I took their orders and went to a drive-thru. It took a long time because it was right at lunch and when I went back to drop off their food one guy said "I just told him we''ll never see here again." I was like "so little faith in mankind. Have a little faith, boys and you'll go far!" They laughed and grabbed for the lunches. They truly looked like starving college kids but they were overly nice to put up with me for an hour and didn't seem at all bothered by me "staring" at them while they went about their work. You know, just when I think I have no more faith in people and they are all truly the dregs of society, somebody does something nice for me out of the blue. I guess I felt like I wanted to pay it forward. Don't get me wrong, I paid full price for the system, it was just their demeanor and how much fun I had sitting there talking to them. I'm doing some major damage in the shopping area tomorrow. Brent's going to leave early so we can make some major decisions and get business taken care of. I'm never good at decision-making so he seems to have the upper hand in that area. Boom-Boom. Decision made. I can never make it that easy. I have to over analyze everything. We've picked up a few things here and there but tomorrow it's NOW or NEVER. I guess I want to get everything done early, I feel the urgency in case I get really sick or anything. I want it all to be done. Poor Brent. He's been an angel since the other night when I was feeling horrible and my temp was really high. My little sister seems to think it was scarlet fever and that's why my body turned red. Hopefully after the new year we'll tackle that issue.

We're in love with Trans-Siberian Orchestra and their Christmas songs. They have two that I just LOVE, so I bought one CD and guess what, neither one of the songs I like are on that one, so while I'm out tomorrow I'm going to have to be a mini-search to figure out the name of one of the songs and then locate the CD. I would have never thought I'd like music like that but it seems Christmasy to me. Hope your week goes well and your shopping gets done. Ciao!

I LOVE this little turkey... isn't he cute?

Well, Brent's been gone exactly 24 hours and I'm ready for him to come back already. The boys get sooooo upset when he leaves and then we all end up crying and being depressed. So I took them on a free for all to Target to get some much needed, cathartic shopping in. And guess what? It worked. We all felt better after we got there and started looking around. My little sister met us there and we were in there for like three hours. I got a bunch of ideas for Christmas gifts for them and for everyone else I have to buy for. I guess I should have bought the ones for other family members, but I guess that would have taken too much thought. We had fun and really enjoyed the day. Then, Brent calls to say good-night to the boys and it starts all over again. Last time he left I put up a map of where he was at and drew a line between our house and his hotel. Then a put a countdown calendar to how many days he had been gone and each day Ian would get to put an X on that day. It worked well because he could see when it was coming. Well, I haven't done any of that yet because last time it was during the summer and let's face it, I had a lot more time on my hands. Also, he carries around a picture of his daddy whereever he goes. Sometimes it's in his pocket of his shorts or jeans and most of the time it's just laying on the table, in his room or in the car. Then he just stares at it and starts crying. My niece did not believe me but over the summer she got to see first hand what I was talking about. It was so sad and I got all teary-eyed just watching him. OK, now on with that!

Ciao!